You're one microscopic cog in my catastrophic plan.

Snapchat: smnyborg


do i want a giant kraftwerk fridge magnet U BET UR BUTT I DO

just noticed the glaring lack of glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling

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Composer: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756 - 1791)

Work: Fin ch’han dal vino from Don Giovanni (1787)

Performer: Bryn Terfel, London Philharmonic Orchestra; conducted by Georg Solti

So, this week I went to the opera for the first time. I came down with vomiting flu while I was there, but I managed to time the vom around the act breaks of Don Giovanni because I’m a classy fucker.

that’s why i deserve to be a celebrity, anyway. if i had dozens of flashbulbs going off in my face all the time, all my photos would be well-enough lit that i wouldn’t have cavernous eye sockets.

this deodorant ad is a lie

no one has perfect pits like that ‘just from shaving’. you have to wax.

my face looks great in selfies, but that’s cos i get the light just right. when other people take the pics, my eye sockets fill with shadows and i look like satan.

do ppl rlly throw out their bloodstained underwear

like it’s just a stain, not actual blood. stop being a baby.